I miss Chicago, so much. I miss being in ministry, having something to do every day, being involved in things I'm passionate about, I miss my haitian family, I miss living on my own, I miss (thinking) that I know what to do next with my life. I can honestly say I have no idea what to do with my life. God keeps opening doors, and then closing them. This is the first time in my life, that I don't know what to do. If I think about it, that's pretty sweet. God has always been totally faithful to tell me what do to next. My mom keeps telling me this is a time of rest and relaxation. To get back in tune with God, and put all my faith and trust in Him. Let me tell you, that is so difficult. I like to have a plan, I would love to say that I just 'swing by the seat of my pants' all the time, but in all honesty I like to have a plan. It doesn't have to be set in stone, but something to look forward to would be sweet. This is the first time in a long time, I'm being a normal person. College, living with my parents, etc. I'm not in another country or state, I'm being a normal 18 year old girl. I'm trying to tell myself, this is it...this is 'real life', but it's not working. What does 'real life' even mean? I think it's incredibly different for everyone. It depends where you life, what passions God has placed on your heart, etc. The differences between people in Chicago and Putnam County are SO distinct. Other than the obvious reasons, Putnam County is well, Putnam County. Farmers, gravel roads, old country churches, etc etc. And Chicago is THE big windy city. Mac stores, taxis, BMWs, traffic, etc etc. People in ministry are different, they think differently. Churches are different. People have different views of God and who He is. Different political views, different views of the bible, different views of evangelism, missions, ministry, etc. I'm not saying any of them are bad, but they are definitely different. So when people say, 'welcome to real life'...what does that mean? Does my 'real life' really have to be living at home, going to college, getting a job, volunteering where I can, and being 'normal'? I really hope not. The thought of doing this, even until the first of the year brings tears to my eyes. I was reading in a textbook the other day and the author was telling parts of his testimony, he got to a part where he hit a dry season in his life. He didn't know what God had next, and he waited and prayed and it took TWO YEARS for God to finally speak to him and share His will for his life. I'm not going to lie, I cried. If that's the plan Jesus, I'm going to need a lot of strength. I know for a fact, He has amazing things planned, things I can't even think on my own. But waiting is the worst part. I just want to get out and do something, HUGE for Jesus.
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Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.-- Colossians 3:12-13
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